What is the first thought that comes to mind when you think about yourself? Is it a story of strength and capability, or one of doubt and limitation? The internal monologue running in our heads feels personal and private, but it is the most important conversation we will ever have. The stories we tell ourselves are not just idle thoughts; they are the blueprint for our entire existence. They quietly shape our choices, our actions, and ultimately, who we become.
The philosopher and novelist Iris Murdoch captured this profound truth perfectly when she wrote, “Man is a creature who makes pictures of himself, and then comes to resemble the picture.”
This powerful insight reveals that our self-concept isn’t a passive reflection of who we are. It is an active, creative process. We paint a picture of ourselves—our values, dreams, fears, and limitations—and then our subconscious mind works tirelessly to make us act in ways that are consistent with that picture. If you want to change your life, you must first be willing to change your story.
Your Self-Concept: The Invisible Architect of Your Life
Psychologists refer to this internal picture as our “self-concept” or “narrative identity.” It’s the collection of beliefs we hold about who we are. This narrative is formed over a lifetime, woven from:
- Our past experiences: Both our successes and our failures.
- What others have told us: The labels given to us by parents, teachers, and friends.
- Our cultural environment: The societal standards for success, beauty, and worth.
The problem is, many of us are living out a story that we didn’t consciously write. We carry around limiting beliefs that were formed in childhood—”I’m not good at math,” “I’m not a creative person,” “I’m not worthy of success.” These old stories we tell ourselves act as an invisible fence, keeping us from exploring our true potential. They create a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you believe you are incapable, you won’t attempt challenging things, which in turn reinforces your belief of incapacity.
How to Rewrite the Stories We Tell Ourselves: A 3-Step Guide
Recognizing that you are the author of your story is the most freeing realization you can have. It means that if you don’t like the current chapter, you have the power to write a new one. Here is a simple, three-step process to start painting a new picture of yourself.
Step 1: Identify Your Current Story (Become the Observer)
You cannot change a story you are not aware of. The first step is to practice mindfulness and listen to your own thoughts without judgment. Pay attention to the automatic self-talk that arises when you face a challenge, make a mistake, or think about your goals.
- When you fail at something, what is your immediate internal reaction? Is it “I’m a failure,” or is it “That approach didn’t work, let me try another”?
- When you receive a compliment, do you accept it, or does a voice say you don’t deserve it?
Grab a journal and for one week, write down the recurring negative stories we tell ourselves. Simply observing them is a powerful act that begins to separate you from the narrative.
Step 2: Challenge the Narrative (Become the Editor)
Once you’ve identified the limiting stories, it’s time to question their validity. Old beliefs feel like facts, but they are often just opinions based on outdated evidence. A great way to challenge them is to act like a detective looking for proof.
- The Story: “I’m terrible at public speaking.”
- The Challenge: “Is that 100% true? Was there ever a time I spoke in front of a group and it went okay? Is this belief based on one bad experience from ten years ago? What evidence do I have that I could get better with practice?”
As detailed in many psychology resources, like this article on self-concept from Psychology Today, our self-image is malleable. By questioning the old story, you loosen its grip and create space for a new one to emerge.
Step 3: Create a New Picture and Act “As If”
This is the creative part. Consciously define the person you want to become. Write a new story based on empowering beliefs. Instead of “I’m not disciplined,” your new story could be, “I am a person who honors my commitments to myself.”
But writing it down is not enough. You must then start to act in alignment with this new identity. Don’t wait until you “feel like it.” Start with one small, concrete action that the “new you” would take.
- If your new story is, “I am a healthy person,” the small action is drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning.
- If your new story is, “I am a writer,” the small action is writing for just five minutes today.
These small actions are votes for your new identity. They provide your brain with fresh evidence that the new story is true. This is where building new behaviors becomes critical. The best way to reinforce your new story is by creating systems for these actions, which you can do by understanding [how habits are formed]. Each time you complete a habit, you strengthen your new self-image.
Conclusion: You Are the Author of Your Life
The stories we tell ourselves are the most powerful force in our lives. They can be a prison that keeps us small, or they can be a key that unlocks our infinite potential. Iris Murdoch’s insight is not just a philosophical curiosity; it is a practical guide to living a deliberate life.
You are constantly painting a picture of yourself with your thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Today, you can choose to become a conscious artist. Look at the picture you’ve been creating. If it no longer serves you, have the courage to pick up a new brush. Identify the old narrative, challenge it, and start taking small, intentional steps that bring a new, more powerful story to life. You are the author, and your next chapter begins now.
